One Week

Al and I are no more. I realized, after just a few days of our relationship, that he’s really not ready yet.

On the first Sunday of being “boyfriends,” I asked him for a movie date. It was Prince of Persia’s first Sunday and aside from the fact that I really wanted to see the movie, I knew he was also looking forward to watching it.

It was also his day off and I was kinda glad that everything was going the way I wanted it to – our first date as “us,” we’ll watch a movie that we both like, we’ll dine after watching, the time on our hands cuz it’s his day off.

But then I received a text a little before lunch that day. He wanted to bring CJ along. I wanted to ask why but I decided not to anymore. I knew it. He was not comfortable being around me in public anymore.

We used to go out a lot before we got into the relationship. He’d go with me to the vet when I’d take my shih-tzu for a check-up; he was just one text away when I wanted to eat out and didn’t wanna eat alone; he’d even immediately go to CJ’s when he’d find out I was there.

I realized that perhaps he was just as sweet before because we were just friends; because I was an older friend that he somehow looked up to as an older brother or an uncle, but not really as a lover.

Perhaps we both thought it’s something more than that, so we crossed the line towards a more intimate relationship. And then this happened.

I arrived ahead of them at the resto which was deserted that time of day. It would be usually packed during lunch and dinner time but it was 3 pm. Al and CJ arrived a few minutes after. CJ was all smiles and greeted me and stuff,  but Al couldn’t even look at me in the eye. He just kept on texting someone on his cellphone. I realized just then that it was the first time we met after we became “us” some 5 days ago. And he couldn’t even greet me a simple hi.

He seated across me at the table. CJ  seated beside him. We had halo-halo. And when the waiter brought our food, CJ transferred to the seat beside me. CJ would talk to me about random stuff, while Al wouldn’t even join in. I tried to get him into talking so many times but all he could do was nod or mumble a one-liner. He finally spoke up when we’re about to leave the resto. But he talked only to CJ.

It was fine with me, though. Actually, the minute he texted me he wanted to bring CJ along, I wanted to break up with him and not watch the movie anymore. But the movie date was all set and I really wanted to see it that I told myself to just go on with it. Besides, CJ is also my friend though he didn’t know that Al and I were on.

I sat between the two of them in the movie house. Al was still quiet. He would occasionally laugh and make “oh” and “ah” reactions on scenes but he really wouldn’t talk to me. I tried asking who he’s texting with because he hadn’t stopped texting even while watching the movie, but he wouldn’t answer.

Although sad that Al brought a chaperone to our date, I was glad that CJ was there to actually make me feel that I had company.

It was a date I couldn’t wait to end. Although I enjoyed the movie much, I really felt so awkward that my so-called boyfriend was treating me as if I wasn’t there.

I spent that Sunday night trying so hard to keep myself from texting him angry messages. And he actually had not texted me anything aside from a single “Good night!” which I did not replied to.

I broke up with him the following day, told him that we really should go back to just being friends. He didn’t want to at first, saying that all he needed was time to get used to “it.” He also said sorry that he wasn’t able to equal the love that I was giving him.

But of the 7 days that we were boyfriends, I missed my being single – actually, being single and carefree. I hated the fact that I was again waiting for someone’s text, and being paranoid everytime he would text late. I hated the fact that I needed to match my schedule with someone else before I could even watch a movie. And I’m sure the list would go longer had our relationship lasted longer.

Perhaps I, myself, wasn’t ready for a teenage boyfriend. Being single for so long made it quite impossible for me to bear his indifference and to wait for him to “adjust” to the situation.

I love Al. I know he loves me, too. But I guess being boyfriends wouldn’t do for now. Perhaps later, when he’s more matured, and quite know what a homosexual relationship is really all about.

We’re good friends now, though. Especially after he has broken up with his girlfriend. But that doesn’t mean he’s single now. After a week of breaking up with Mae, Al is now back in his ex-gf’s arms. Someone named Angie. Already met her before I even had a crush on him.

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Al

The other teen is named Al. If you’re wondering what I am talking about, please refer to this post.

There was this time when CJ was not texting me. I don’t know if he’s just so busy (during summer vacation?) or if he just didn’t feel like texting me. This was during the election week. And while CJ wouldn’t text me, Al was so giving me this attention I needed, in person and via text.

On the election day itself, I survived falling in line for 5 hours at the precinct because Al kept me company (via text) all throughout.

That’s when Al and I started becoming close. He’d always go to the mall with me, or dine out with me whenever I didn’t feel like eating at home. It was via text last May 16, before going to bed, when I asked him if he had already experienced being courted by members of the third sex. He said there was a lot of them during his high school days, but he said he never entertained their motives and just kept them as friends.

When he said that, I jokingly told him I think I would try courting him. He just laughed, and said I should court him when he doesn’t have a girlfriend anymore. His reaction, though, didn’t really tell me to stay away, so I gathered it was okay.

We continued to text normally after that, when I thought he’d be a little wary after knowing I had other intentions. Two nights after, I was telling him I hate waiting, and that I really don’t know how to court. I was asking him if we could be officially on already. He was laughing and said he’d think about it.

Wednesday, I was a little persuasive already. He was out that day with his mom, and I was texting him like, “So we’re on now?”

He was pleading (yes with a please) if he could just think about it for a while. He loves his girlfriend and he doesn’t want to put the relationship at risk. I told him no one would know; that it would just be our secret. But he really wanted to think about it first. I didn’t push my luck any further. And laid off the topic of relationship for a while.

He dropped by my house last Sunday, with a common friend, to hang out. Sitting beside me, I couldn’t help but pinch or grab at his arm once in a while. His skin was so warm when our arms would touch. And he was acting a little trying hard to be cute. LoL!

Then Monday (yesterday), I thought about it and realized I had been courting him for 8 days already. I texted him, saying that it would be the last day I’d wait; that if he still couldn’t decide on that day, then I’d stop and we’d be just friends forever. I was crossing my fingers at that time, though, that everything would turn out in my favor.

He said okay, and promised to text me of his decision last night. But before the night came, he again dropped by with the same friend from the previous day. He was so cute in green shirt and cut-off jeans, and looked so young with a PSP dangling from a lace around his neck. He hang out for like 2 hours, Facebook-ing with his PSP and kidding around at the same time.

I couldn’t ask him in person about the decision he’d make that coming night. I was kinda afraid. But the fact that he went to my house before the decision time came was a good sign.

I waited until almost 10 pm before finally giving in the urge to text him, reminding him that it’s already late. He made me wait for a few, saying he’s still looking for something. A sign? Ohgawd. But then he texted at 10:06 pm, telling me of his decision that he wanted to try to have a relationship with me. He made me promise, though, that no one should know. He’s really afraid that his girlfriend would know.

It’s okay, I don’t have plans of telling anyone myself. I’ve always been gay, but having brought up this way makes me feel more shame than pride in bragging about my homosexual relationships.

I was so happy when I received that text. My face was painted with a smile even when I woke up this morning. And I didn’t even sleep soundly at all. I woke up so many times during the night and all I wanted to do was think of him.

And then he had this job orientation the whole day today. And he’s gonna start work tomorrow. Gah! I haven’t seen him since we’ve been officially on. I’m anticipating the moment. I actually don’t know how I would behave or how he would behave around me now that we’re on. LoL!

Actually, I was also thinking if I should say “I love you” last night or if I should just wait for him to say it first. He’s so young and this is his first gay romance I didn’t want him to feel awkward. But luckily, he said it first during the goodnight text.

I’m so young all over again. There’s actually a smile on my face while typing this.

PS
If I wrote this on the day I wrote the CJ entry, the tone would have been so different cuz Al and I still weren’t on then. Likewise, if I wrote the CJ entry when Al and I were already on, it would also have been so different.

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