Good Times

The Bestfriend is headed to his house in Batangas today. I know because he called yesterday and said it in passing.

Ah yes, I was asking if he wanted to attend the Nihongo Fiesta at MOA today. That’s when he told me he’s going to Batangas with his college friends, a send-out party for one who’s going to work in Taiwan.

His house in Batangas has always been a place of party for his friends. Been there a couple of times but not to party. The first time was a fiesta and I got invited by another friend who’s also from that area. The other time was when we went mountain climbing, in a mountain their family owned. Cool, eh? Yea. He’s that cool.

But why don’t I get to party at their house in Batangas? Well, I never really like to party, but the main reason why I don’t is that I never get invited to his birthday parties. I get invited to, like, drinks with our few common friends, but to main parties like the ones he does in Batangas or even here in Manila, I’m always left behind.

There are times, during our few-and-far-between serious conversations, when I jokingly lash at him about my non-invitation. He’d reply with stuff like I’m part of his family already and I need no invitation to come, or that I know when his birthday is and that it’s already up to me if I wanna come, invited or not.

Okay I’m like family already (wow) but if I really am, won’t you care about my attendance at all? And besides, I’m oftentimes not notified of these parties. Like I only learn about them (a) a few hours before the party; (b) when the party is already ongoing; or (c) after the party when everyone else is already talking about it.

Anyway, my now-you-see-now-you-don’t niece was his schoolmate in elementary and high school. My niece was a couple of years his junior. During the course of our friendship, he also became friends with my niece.

And my niece, when she’s available, has always been present in his parties – Batangas or Manila. And my niece goes because she receives invites – text messages or otherwise.

It pains me to think that I don’t get invited because he doesn’t like showing me to his other friends.

It pains me to think that he invites everyone except me.

It pains me to think that I’m only being seek during the bad times.

But whatever his reasons for not inviting me are, I don’t really wanna know. It already hurts me to guess, I know it will hurt me more to have my guesses confirmed. And it will hurt me the most if I hear the confirmation coming out of his mouth.

Of course, he’s almost always present during my celebrations. But sharing a good time because I invited him is so different than sharing a good time because he invited me. It’s like I want him to be in my good times, but does he also want me to be in his? My being non-invited somehow tells me that my presence really doesn’t matter in his good times.

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Pyromusical Disappointment

I’m kinda down at this moment. Disappointed perhaps is the best word to describe how I feel. I just realized that I really mean nothing to the person I value the most.

For the past week, we’ve been planning to watch the Pyromusical, which is today, in about an hour. So I called him up last Friday, confirming if he would really be available cuz I’m already buying the tickets. He confirmed. He was so sure about going at 4 pm today.

I bought 2 patron tickets yesterday at Tickenet. Then I saw him around at about 2:00 pm this afternoon and we talked about the supposed meet-up at 4. About 3:30 this afternoon, I got ready to go. I was almost ready by 4. But time passed. No sign of him, not even a text message or a phone call. After 30 minutes I decided to call his house. The mom answered. He was sleeping. I took up the courage to ask the mother to wake him up. She did. But he won’t budge.

How could he forget? No one would forget something like seeing a pyromusical when you have talked about it for a week. You won’t forget it when I personally called you up 2 days ago to confirm of your attendance because I didn’t want the patron tickets to go to waste. You won’t forget it when we even saw each other two hours before the supposed time to leave.

You won’t forget it if I mean even just a bit something to you. But perhaps I’m really nothing, that you only realize of my existence when you need help or when you need company and no one among your more favored friends are around.

But just the same, I don’t wanna get mad or sad. There’s no sense crying over spilled milk.

I still wanna be there for him. But at least now, I have learned some lessons.

Lessons that cost me 2 patron tickets.

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Friday I'm In Love

You can't really choose the person to fall in love with. Because if I could, I wouldn't really choose my best friend as the object of my affection.

We've known each other for 11 years now. I don't wanna say that our friendship was on and off, but there were those times that we wouldn't see each other for months, one time for more than a year, but it would seem like nothing has changed when we connect again.

He's married now, and we have been talking a lot lately because he needs a friend. He's having difficult times at home due to a rift between his mother and his wife.

I am the only one he trusts on such personal matters. And I regret the fact that I wasn't present in his life during the first time he almost separated with his wife.

I learned about it just recently, that the only thing that saved their marriage during that first time was when their first born got critical with a lung problem.

I could just imagine how hard it was for him without anyone to confide into. I was actually only a call away, but he chose not to call me. Perhaps due to pride. It was during the longest time we were not having any communication. So I guess he was afraid I'd think he only calls when he needs me. But of course it would never be a case.

We started reconnecting again when the group of friends that we belong to had to visit a newly-wed friend in the far north. All of us agreed to meet at my house, and he was the second to arrive. As expected, it was like nothing had changed. We even walked out with his arm over my shoulder.

Then after that, he would give me a buzz in YM while he's in the office and we would chat. He'd call on the phone when he's not so busy. He'd drop by the house and hang out if he has time.

And I'm quite afraid it will all go away again, and we will lose communication just like what has been the routine.

So now I'm making the most of what we have.

Even if he doesn't know that I'm in love all over again.

P.S.
The title is a song from The Cure.

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